In 2012, our family's gambling bubble burst. I was six weeks pregnant, had just picked up our oldest daughter from daycare, and was looking forward to a quiet afternoon with the family. But as I parked the car in the carport, a message popped up on my phone: Unpaid bill.
Anne Bolsø : I had no idea how much money he had borrowed, nor did I understand the extent and severity of this addiction.
"I have wasted large sums of money"
At that time, all bills were deducted from my partner's account. I called him, and he calmly said it was probably a misunderstanding.
A few minutes later, the message that turned his life upside down in an instant arrived:
"I have gambled away large sums of money, and I don't know how much."
He didn't come home that night and 24 hours later he was standing on the edge of a mountain, ready to jump. The shame was too much to bear. He felt he had let his family, friends and me down.
The picture that saved his life
The day after he disappeared, I started to get desperate to get him home. He didn't answer my calls, only sporadic text messages, so I used the last card I had on hand, I sent him a picture of our daughter with the text:
"I love you, Dad, and I need you in my life. Please come home to me."
Shortly after, I received a response and a few hours later he was standing in front of me again, in dirty work clothes from the day before and a face blackened with dirt from the climb up the mountain.
I threw myself around his neck, "we'll get through this together."
The fight against gambling addiction
The next year we lived side by side with debt, NAV meetings, the bailiff, debt collection agencies and treatment. We had countless evenings of long conversations and we learned about what gambling addiction really is.
Then came the first crack.
"I've played again."
It was like being punched in the stomach and I collapsed to the floor with my face in my hands. “No, no, no.” But my concern for him was stronger than my fear. He screamed with all his might that he needed help. So I pushed my own feelings aside, again.
The breach
Several cracks later, in 2015, I couldn't take it anymore. I left him. I was exhausted from all the lies and afraid that I could never trust him again. Many people think that's the end of the problems. But it was the start of a new fight.
Anne Bolsø : Now we sat on our respective hills and struggled through grief over lost family life, financial change, and the children's reactions.
I developed anxiety and depression. I barely slept. I had panic attacks. I was afraid to go to the store, afraid that he had borrowed money from someone who was willing to do anything to get it back, like break my kneecaps or have my children taken from me while I was sleeping.
"I can't take it anymore"
For him, life became just as dark. Gambling became a refuge from the pain. After a year and a half in our own home, I woke up to a message that made me sick to my stomach.
The last letter he wrote included the following:
"I hope you and the children will eventually be able to see that I have found peace and thus an end to all the bad things. Selfish, but it's time for me to stop feeling so bad."
The worst part was that I understood him. His gambling addiction had turned him into a different person. He was actually kind-hearted, positive and lively. But now he couldn't take it anymore.
The children found out first
After two days of searching, I got the call from the police. I gathered my family. There had to be more of us when the girls got the message. I sat on the couch, my voice shaking: "Dad's dead."
Our oldest daughter wondered why. I reminded her of Dad's mental illness, that it had made him so sick that he chose not to live anymore. I was grateful that I had talked to them about the addiction earlier, it made it possible to be honest.
Anne Bolsø : No one can walk the path for those who are relatives, but family, friends, work colleagues and therapists can make the path easier to walk.
The way forward
We had a strong network. My parents cooked dinner when I couldn't bear to get up. Friends put up with my constant noise. A manager who saw me as a whole person.
And I found Game Addiction Norway, and people who understood.
I have worked hard to be open, to let my grief take its course, and to help my children move on. But I have never been unaffected. I have been scared, tired, and at times unable to bear any more.
But I know one thing: I have done my very best.
Because gambling addiction is not just a financial problem. It is a disease that can destroy families, cost lives and leave relatives in a difficult situation of grief.
Do you have any questions or want to talk?
Feel free to contact us on the Helpline, via email or the contact form.
