When they bought their first house in the spring of 2018, it was the start of a dream. A house to renovate together, a place to build a future. They lived temporarily with their parents while all their free time was spent demolishing, renovating and planning. She studied and worked a little on the side, and in the autumn of the same year, she was doing an internship in another city. He worked full time.
Renovating a house puts relationships to the test
At first, she didn't notice how much he played in his spare time. She was busy with studies and practice, and contact during the week became less and less frequent. But on the weekends at home, she began to see a change.
- I thought it was the stress of the renovation. We were often told that renovating a house puts relationships to the test, so I tried to understand, she says.
He still seemed distant and the lover she knew as caring and warm was not completely recognisable.
A lonely everyday life
When they weren't working on the house in their spare time, he prioritized gaming and friends.
- Several evenings and nights I lay crying while he played. He promised to finish "in two hours" and we would do something together, but I often woke up in the middle of the night and discovered that he was still sitting in front of the PC, she says.
It was as if he disappeared into another world, and she felt like she was on the outside of the relationship.
- I started going to bed alone every night. We lived under the same roof, but it didn't feel like we were roommates anymore. I barely got a hug, and the loneliness began to eat away at me.
She noticed that he stopped taking care of himself.
- Showering, eating habits, sleep - everything was given lower priority. It was painful to see him break himself down in this way, she says.
The use of money is disclosed
Eventually, the economy also became a source of concern. Bills were often unpaid and he kept his bank account hidden.
- I didn't get access to see, but one day I happened to see payments to a gaming account. When I asked about it, he looked me straight in the eye and said I must have seen it wrong. "Don't you trust me?" he asked irritably.
She tried to convince herself that she could trust him, but her gut told her otherwise. His phone was consistently hidden or placed with the screen down.
- I noticed that he was hiding things. There was a lot of lying, both about how much he played and about his spending, she says.
One day in early 2019, she finally got to see his account. What she discovered shocked her.
- At first I counted NOK 60,000 spent on games. Later it turned out to be over NOK 300,000. I didn't know what to do.
An exhausting existence
Throughout the period, she felt that she had no support in her partner.
- If I was sick or needed help, it was my father or my brother who stood up. He never had time, she says.
Lonely evenings in front of the phone or a series became the norm. She noticed that her energy began to disappear, she withdrew more and more and stopped being social with her own friends and family.
- I couldn't take care of myself anymore either, and I started to struggle with sleep. It was as if everything became too heavy.
A hope for recovery
In the end he sold the PC. With the support of family and the organization, they slowly began to find their way back to each other and to life.
- It has been a long process, but I have learned how important it is to set boundaries and be honest - both with yourself and with the one you love, she says.
Her experience is clear:
- Gambling addiction does not only affect the player. It involves relationships, finances and mental health. But there is hope, and it is possible to find a way forward.
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